Forget Everything You’ve Heard About The Unicorn Frappuccino: The Official Review

This week we have a very special edition of Unicorn Reviews. Because this past week the amazing UNICORN FRAPPUCCINO was unleashed onto the unsuspecting public!

The Unicorn Frappuccino was conceived several months ago when a millennial and a dolphin went rollerblading together. While blading down the sidewalk they came across a lemonade stand owned and operated by a rainbow. They served mango lemonade and only blue sour skittles, and cream. The rest is history.

Now, you shouldn’t judge a Unicorn Frappuccino by it’s cover. Because the cover is just a plastic dome shape and it’s rather quite generic. It has a nice sized hole in the top and fits onto cups, but honestly it doesn’t say much about the contents of the beverage. Instead, judge a Unicorn Frappuccino by it’s sparkle. And holy buckets does this drink sparkle.

I was instantly enticed by the swooshy swirls of blue, pink, light pink, dark pink, soft pink, neon pink, gay pink, straight pink, boy pink, girl pink, non gender conforming pink, pink panther pink, and pinky pink. It looked like what a unicorn’s brain would look like on crack. As the drink melted the blue began to takeover the pink in a sprawling, manifest destiny fashion. It was like watching paint dry, but like while you’re on crack.

I absolutely adored the poofy white cloud of whipped cream on top of the drink covered in a magical dusting of sugar. It looked like a soft mountain that I wanted to jump into. And we can’t forget about the horn. The skinny green horn burst free from the top of the cloud proudly and declared, I’m a unicorn, and my horn is also a straw! BAM!

I wish I could have a Unicorn Frappuccino every day. But they were only here from April 19th to the 23rd, and most Starbucks stores ran out before then.

Thankfully I got mine the first day at an airport Starbucks and I got to taste it while everyone around clapped and cheered and took my picture and asked, “How is it?”

And that’s where we are now. I’m sure you’re all wondering what it tasted like. And I have to be honest here. It was really good… But it just wasn’t sugary enough. It tasted kind of sweet, but not sweet enough. It’s like they’d never had a meal cooked by a unicorn before. It was close. Definitely close to seeming authentic, and to the untrained mouth it may have been indiscernible from the real thing, but I’ve been around the block a few times. It’s a block made out of rainbow legos and ego waffles, and that’s where all the unicorn’s live. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVED the mango and the blue sourness. It was like a dream wrapped in a dream with a dream on top, all getting sucked up into a straw. But there just wasn’t enough sugar.

I really hope Starbucks brings them back again, just like the McRib. Unicorns need more attention and awareness so anything that brings them to the spotlight is wonderful.

Starbucks Frappuccino, thank you for existing. xoxox 10 stars.


Thank you for reading and if you liked this review, you should preorder my new ebook “Finally, Unbiased Reviews of Unicorn Images.” You can preorder here.

For more unicorn reviews, visit my unicorn blog here!

Apr 25, 2017 | Posted by in Blog, Posts | 0 comments

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