Here are a few one liners and joke premises I’m currently working on. Feedback is welcome and appreciated! Like any jokes? Not like any jokes? Not sure what the joke is supposed to be? Let me know! xoxo
New Rule: If you make your baby wear a headband with a bow on it, you should also be required to wear a headband with a bow on it.
Waffles are like pancakes in jail.
Me: I invented the first ever queen sized candy bar.
Sharktank: You just crossed out ‘king,’ and added a unicorn sticker.
Me: so QVC?
News: Jeremy Renner passes on MI:6 to appear in Ant Man and The Wasp
Me: Andy Erikson passes on Open Mic to appear in Sweat Pants and the Kitchen
I say “no worries” a lot and today a friend told me he hates that phrase.
I didn’t know what to say. I was just like “no worries.”
What’s a dirty knock knock joke called?
A ding dong.
I feel like most snapchat filters are just a gateway to becoming a furry.
Dear hotels: Pillow options. That’s all I’m asking. You got 8 pillows in this room and they’re all the same…
A new study shows that people who don’t use Facebook are happier.
But how are they going to tell people?
One day I just want to be rich enough to use the “sort price from high to low” feature.