I think I like froyo so much because it gives me an excuse to eat gummy bears with a spoon.
Risk is a board game about war and world domination. I have a feeling if our government had designed the game, it would be called “Reward.”
How is it that anytime anyone sings the national anthem, it always feels like they skipped a verse? “Oh say can you see, by the twilight’s last squirrel, what so proudly we braaaaaaaaave!”
I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell that your dog was a girl. He’s a dog.
Do you ever cover yourself with throw pillows instead of getting off the couch to grab a blanket? Yeah, pretty sure evolution skipped a generation.
I feel like we’re living in a world that is the opposite of the fairy tale Rumplestiltskin. It’s called Trumplestiltskin. The whole world is cursed to be unable to forget his name.
Donald Trump has said “The wall just got 10 feet taller” 72 times. At this point the wall is about 720 feet-holy crap he’s building a tower.
If you say “Bloody Mary” three times the bartender will get three Bloody Mary’s.
If you remember to close the door behind you, I think people should ask: “What? Were you born in a Pottery Barn?!”
The fancy hotel I stayed at had cilantro scented shampoo. So weird! I tried it though, and guess what? It tasted like soap.
Thank you for reading and for any and all feedback! Let me know which jokes you liked, loved, or perhaps confused you! 🙂
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