I totally approve of war on drugs. It’s actually the only way I’ve found I can enjoy that card game.
I have this strange feeling that my improv teacher is making it up as she goes.
A dog ate a stick of my deodorant and I couldn’t get mad. I was like, I guess that’s how dogs put on deodorant.
You can wear sunglasses indoors if you’re a poker player, or if you live in a tanning bed. And that’s it.
Wait… You can say no to drugs?
I don’t think it’s fair that you have to have big boobs to work at Hooters, but you don’t have to have a big wiener to work at Dicks.
A tattoo artist without any tattoos, is like a skinny chef. Except WAAAAAY shadier.
What do you call it when a comedian has a breakthrough on a joke they’re writing? “A haha! Moment.”
“What do you want to be when you blow up?” – interview with a baby bomb.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but this selfie stick is why people are making fun of me.
Thank you for reading and for any and all feedback! Let me know which jokes you liked, loved, or perhaps confused you! 🙂
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