New Jokes! From hot lava to airplanes! // Nov 21

I used to play hot lava when I was a kid. Now I play cold lava and just lay on the couch.

To test the theory of global warming, I put this snow globe in a microwave for 2 minutes. Folks, it’s not looking good. Glitter everywhere.

Friend: Why does my stuffed animal smell like Vinegar?!?
Me: Oh, I thought this was a Pickle Me Elmo…

This trend of living in “Tiny Houses” has gotten a lot of attention from hipsters. Rednecks say, “Yeah, way ahead of you. It’s called a TRAILER HOME”

Me: I’m over 6 feet tall.
Sea Captain: I can’t even fathom.

Cats have 9 mid life crises! Totally explains why they’re so crazy. And why she’s eating lots of treats… And sleeping in the sink… And why she keeps buying corvettes…

I get pissed off when people call me a ma’am.
I wonder if that’s how kittens feel when you suddenly call them a cat.

Turns out NASA accidentally used the money we gave them to crochet moon blankets and make friendship bracelets out of moon rocks. We said to make a spacecraft! Not do a space craft!

At the meet and greet today, a woman asked who my “nay sayers” were.
I told her, just horses.

My friend once told me that he was in the mile high club. I told him I don’t give a “flying fuck” whether you’re in the mile high club or not.

Thank you for reading and for any and all feedback! Let me know which jokes you liked, loved, or perhaps confused you! πŸ™‚

Don’t forget to join my mailing list to find out when I’ll be performing in a city near you!

Nov 21, 2015 | Posted by in Posts | 17 comments

Comments (17 Responses)

  1. Mark Grand says:

    I liked the pickle me elmo joke. I have no clue about hot lava.

  2. James King says:

    That space craft joke is amazing.

  3. Jimmy says:

    I can’t even fathom… Lolz. Nice one.

  4. Leonard says:

    I really got a laugh out of the nay sayers joke.

  5. Michelle says:

    I like Global Warming, how kittens feel when you call them cat and the mile high joke

    • admin says:

      Thank you for the feedback! i haven’t tried the global warming joke yet, but I definitely will. The encouragement helps so much!

  6. veronica webster says:

    Loved the Global Warming and Mile High jokes. Your material is even funnier when I imagine in my mind how you would say it to an audience. The best part of your humor is your wonderful delivery.

  7. Randy Ragan says:

    The nine lives joke is a keeper. It would have worked with the cat stuff you talked about in Wabah, IN tonight.

    We saw you tonight and it was great to meet you (I was the middle age geezer with a cane and freakishly tall son). You are my favorite fron LCS and my family and I love your quirkiness and style. πŸ˜‰

    • admin says:

      AWE! Thank you guys! It’s great to meet you too, and I hope you come out to another show when i’m back in the area next! πŸ™‚ Let’s talk about cats more! lol

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