I can’t decide if I like giraffes or ostriches better. They’re neck and neck.
I couldn’t find my keys once, so I just didn’t leave the house for three weeks. Problem solved.
Mom: What did you have for breakfast today?
Mom: Oh good!
Me: (quietly) …rollups.
I’m convinced that people who use a default wallpaper on their phones, don’t have families or friends. Because they murdered them.
There’s a theory that cavemen used to sleep on lofted beds. But it was debunked.
I have a Vampire joke, but it’s never seen the light of day.
I’m starting to think Princess Peach just doesn’t want to marry a plumber. Like, take a hint Mario. Move on.
I’m so nerdy that If I ever have a kid, her first words are going to be “hello world.”
I saw a product called “Indulgent” trail mix. And I was like, “You mean, Skittles?”
Okay, but we can say Orange Lives Matter right? Because orange is the new… nevermind.
Thank you for reading and for any and all feedback! Let me know which jokes you liked, loved, or perhaps confused you! 🙂
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