10 new jokes! // From Hotels to Fish

I was told as a performer to have high standards and insist that your hotel room always be nicer than the house you live in. Well, this hotel doesn’t have bars on the windows and the cat hasn’t peed under the bed. I think I’m good!

My friend got front row tickets to a concert and my response was “Front row?! Oh no, I hope the musician doesn’t write a song about us!”

There’s no way to say iron without sounding a little like a pirate.

I’m so tall, people ask if I’m a basketball hoop.

Cats have 9 livers. There was a typo. Now you know the real reason cats live so long and why they never seem to get drunk!

People think it’s classy when I wear a dress. But I only wear dresses because I don’t have any clean pants.

If I was a spider I would keep my contact lenses in an ice cube tray.

Here’s my position on guns: It’s Nerf or Nothing.

I’m not in my high school soccer photo. I was the photographer. I took one for the team.

Throw back Thursday is the worst day to go fishing.


Thank you for reading and for any and all feedback!

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Oct 24, 2015 | Posted by in Blog, Posts | 10 comments

Comments (10 Responses)

  1. Aimee says:

    Hey Andy,

    Thought maybe another word people say that make them sound like a pirate is. Argyle. Like Argyle Sweater 😉 Just a suggestion.

    I admire your work! I love clean you are, and you prove that humor doesn’t have to be so dirty and inappropriate.

    I’ve wanted to do stand up for a long time, I did compete in the Funniest person in the twin cities contest at Acme in 2008. For my first time, and loved it. People say I need to continue but coming up with some material is hard. If you ever found time, you should check my debut out, and give me any pointers… Please note, I basically just walked on stage and had no idea what I was gonna talk about. If you go to YouTube and type in 763aim33 it’ll pop up. Also, I’m a Blaine Bengal and graduated with your sister. Hope all is well, keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing!!!!

    Take care,

    Aimee L’Herault

    • admin says:

      Okay just watched your video. SO GREAT! have you gone on stage since then?! Did you win your night?

      • Aimee says:

        Thanks Andy! And yes, I won that night. I was super sick the second round and couldn’t get into it, I bombed.. But it was super fun! You’re sooooo hilarious!

  2. admin says:

    Hey thank you! And yes! Argyle is a great word. Lol

    That is SO COOL that you did the funniest person contest! Definitely keep at it. And the more you do it the easier it gets!

  3. Teerexxe says:

    I liked all jokes this time, except the one about the basketball hoop; possibly because I didn’t understand it

    • admin says:

      Hey thanks! And that is so good to know!

      That joke is basically making fun of how people see how tall I am and ask if I play basketball. And I’m saying I’m so tall, people ask if I’m the basketball hoop!

      I’ll have to try it with a little more setup and see if that helps.

      Thanks again for reading and taking the time to comment! 🙂

  4. Eddie says:

    I like the soccer one and the fishing one a lot!!

  5. James King says:

    I really love your style. I definitely read all of the jokes in your voice. I really like the nerf gun joke.

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