Topical Storm Andy: Jokes About The News

MOST PIERCED MAN
The Most Pierced Man in the world was denied entry to Dubai last week. Unable to James Bond his way in, it’s apparent none of his piercing’s are Brosnan.

The Most Pierced Man in the world was denied entry to Dubai last week. He was scheduled to appear at a circus themed bar event. But like the man’s face and genitals, they decided to “put a pin in it.”

CANDY CRUSH
King Digital, which is responsible for the insanely popular game Candy Crush, reported a 20 percent drop in it’s stock value. Proof that the only game more sad and addicting than Candy Crush, is the stock market.

King Digital, which is responsible for the insanely popular game Candy Crush, reported a 20 percent drop in it’s stock value. I’m sorry what was that? I’m playing Candy Crush.

King Digital, which is responsible for the insanely popular game Candy Crush, reported a 20 percent drop in it’s stock value. It looks like the relationship has gone from Candy Crush, to Candy Marriage. Analysts aren’t surprised that “playtime,” has decreased.

CEMETERY DROUGHT
A cemetery in California is trying to cut water usage back by 60% to cope with the severe drought. They’ve decided to use recycled water, which I’m totally cool with, as long as it’s not radioactive water. Hold on, I just thought of an idea for a new screenplay…

A cemetery in California has recently cut back it’s water usage by 60% effectively switching to recycled but radioactive water. Zombie-like creatures have emerged from its graves, causing chaos in the streets. The late-night host in my award winning screenplay reports. This is going to be good. He says to himself.

I think they should just go with my plan called “cementaries.” Problem solved. Just bury people under cement. No water needed. Turns out people in California would STILL water the sidewalks. Never mind.

ALLIGATOR AT SCHOOL
An alligator showed up at the doorstep of a Texas school this week. The reptile was promptly removed, and the one real opportunity to use the phrase “see ya later alligator,” was tragically missed.

In other news, authorities haven’t seen a crocodile in a while and hope to see a big baboon… Real soon. Back to you Jim.

Aug 17, 2014 | Posted by in Blog | 0 comments

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