Next time you’re at a fancy hotel with a gym, put the stair climber machine in the elevator. Sign reads: “Fuck technology.”
Wow I googled “Valentines day cards for a cousin” and there are a TON of romantic cousin cards online. I guess for Kentucky?
I put a shark tooth under my pillow before bed, and the tooth fairy left me the severed arm of a surfer.
Some lettuce is better than others. It shall romaine nameless.
Pairs figure skating feels like a sport where you try to find the most creative ways to make people look between a woman’s legs.
“Everybody’s a comedian.” Whoever came up with that phrase was in the audience of this open mic.
Forget the minimum wage. How about a maximum wage.
Theory: if I get more sleep, like 12 hours, there will be less time for me to eat so I’ll lose weight. Brilliant! FALSE. Food finds a way.
I think you mean “Taco Martes.” Ignorant Americans.
I don’t think it’s called a gene pool in the south. I think it’s called a gene lazy river.