I wish they made Spanks for cats. :(

Next time you’re at a fancy hotel with a gym, put the stair climber machine in the elevator. Sign reads: “Fuck technology.”

Wow I googled “Valentines day cards for a cousin” and there are a TON of romantic cousin cards online. I guess for Kentucky?

I put a shark tooth under my pillow before bed, and the tooth fairy left me the severed arm of a surfer.

Some lettuce is better than others. It shall romaine nameless.

Pairs figure skating feels like a sport where you try to find the most creative ways to make people look between a woman’s legs.

“Everybody’s a comedian.” Whoever came up with that phrase was in the audience of this open mic.

Forget the minimum wage. How about a maximum wage.

Theory: if I get more sleep, like 12 hours, there will be less time for me to eat so I’ll lose weight. Brilliant! FALSE. Food finds a way.

I think you mean “Taco Martes.” Ignorant Americans.

I don’t think it’s called a gene pool in the south. I think it’s called a gene lazy river.


Jun 20, 2014 | Posted by in Blog, Posts | 0 comments

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