Leans into a bush: “Hey everyone! I have breast in plants!”

“When I was your age a candy bar was a nickel.”
“What the fuck is a nickel?”

What did Steve Urkel say when he got arrested for drinking and driving? “D U I do that?”

Don’t know why my bag of raisins has an “easy ziplock seal.” Not like they can dry out…

Whenever I see a fake flower I think it’s a pen.

A woman complaining that it’s hard to find a good bra for her big boobs is like saying “It’s hard to find bags big enough for all my money.”

“You’re a made bed.” -Mob guy promoting his bed.

Why does Easter have an Easter Bunny? Because Jesus was a magician and before he made it big he’d pull a bunny out of his leaf headband.

I forgot I was wearing an angry birds shirt, so when some guy enthusiastically said, “angry birds!” I replied “frustrated fish!”

$ <– No snakes allowed.

Pot acorns. For the squirrels.

Jun 18, 2014 | Posted by in Blog, Posts | 0 comments

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