My Jokes According to Youtube’s Closed Captioning – Pretty Ridiculous

I recently discovered a new function on youtube that allows you to turn on closed captioning for any video you are watching. I went to one of my standup videos and tried it out. It’s hilarious. If people thought I was weird before, they wouldn’t know what to think after this. Here are some screen captures from my showcase set.”

Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.51.05 PMLike most comedians, I like to start every set with a plug for an open technology standard. Have you tried Yahoo OpenID? And the crowd goes wild!


Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.53.03 PM Here’s the setup for my opening joke.


And the punchline…
Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.52.20 PM%ah! I think this is a cool way of spelling out the word placenta. Most of my jokes end with the word placenta. I”m glad they developed a shorthand.


Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.51.32 PMThe timing is WAY off on this joke. It should be: “The her. YEAH. His beard? Papas trailer.” Papas trailer is my best tag. I think Bill Cosby gave me that one.


Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.54.24 PMThis joke is about typos in texts. But you’ll never know the ending because of all the typos in this text.


Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.54.06 PMTexting is so much fun. I don’t think testing has ever been fun. Though I really do hate our tables. (I got into some crowd rap there, an audience member who had a lot to say about furniture.)


Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.53.25 PMGetting really edgy here. You have to read it with a sassy black voice to get the full effect.


Screen Shot 2014-06-12 at 8.55.00 PMAnd this is one of my famous pickup lines. Lets make kids kids kids here. They forgot the word make.

So this is my showcase set. No need to watch it with the volume on!

I’d like to leave you guys with one of my best new jokes. “Starburst Oh hey yeah guzzler zipper nintendo french hip. Kitten cat no more jews. Placenta.”

Here’s the actual set in case you’re wondering how the set really goes.

Jun 12, 2014 | Posted by in Blog, Posts | 0 comments

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