“I’m up in arms!” -monkey bars.
Sports Illustrated, For People Who Can’t Read, but like to look at pictures of sports.
“Pepperoni’s make good bookmarks.” -Martha Stewart on crack.
I think unions are good for business. I love Siamese twins.
If Adam and Eve were here today and God tempted them with an apple, it wouldn’t work. They’d be all “Is it organic? I only eat organic.”
If you don’t like your own jokes nobody else will. Also sometimes even if you do, nobody else will.
A new ladder business is looking for investors. Don’t get in on the ground floor, get in on the second floor!
My bowling team name is Disaster. Because Disaster strikes.
I wish Free Willy was about cats.
I hide cereal in my toys.