I know which row on the bus has the most leg room. For every bus make and model. I’m not even sure if I’m bragging though.
That Peter Dinklage from Game of Thrones has real star power. Well yeah, he’s a White Dwarf.
I’m going to draw a picture of Richard Nixon on my notebook, and yell “Hey somebody drew a dick in my notebook!”
Gift idea: make someone a CD called “soothing sounds to sleep by,” and have it just be a recording of them snoring.
I like my snack foods to be boring. That’s why I eat dull pickle chips.
My First Aid kit had bandaids and Tylenol. My second Aid kit had pot brownies and a parachute. Then I got fired from the hospital.
Every Weezer show is a “sold out” show.
Clown school motivation: Come on team, go out there and look like a bunch of clowns! There’s no pie in cream!
I feel like everybody’s stories these days start with, “Well, did you see my Facebook post?”
Money can’t buy Happy Gilmore on VHS. You have to use a barter system involving Pogs and cigarettes.