Is it weird that I love unicorns, but think horses are stupid?
When the Chinese write American words they use all lowercase letters, because they don’t believe in capitalism.
Paper weights sound like a good idea on paper.
If I’m in the bathroom for a long time, it’s because I’m making a vine video.
I heard our national symbol is a bald Eagle, but I checked and all the members have a full head of hair, so I’m not sure which one it is.
All of Stevie Wonder’s laundry is blind folded.
“Where my hose at?” -ghetto gardener.
A ceiling fan on its lowest setting looks like it wants to give up.
“Who’s got two thumbs?”
“This guy, who works at a thumb factory and they’re low on merchandise.”
Losing your stinger and dying is a real buzz kill.