Ties are just super weird necklaces for professional men. You can’t fool me.
When I was a kid we played the game operation without batteries so there was no buzzing sound if you messed up. Not because my parents wanted to teach us that surgery was easy and that everyone wins, but because we needed the batteries for the remote control.
Some people use mass in equations to calculate energy. Other people go to mass and have their energy drained out of them.
ME: “I ate a whole sleeve of crackers.”
ZOMBIE: “I ate a whole sleeve of arm.”
Some of the wurst hotdog jokes are puns.
I bet Mary and Joseph actually said, “We’d like to see your manager.” and the guy at the Inn just misheard them.
I bet there was an Egyptian nobody liked that wore socks with his sandals.
News flash: Brian Williams just showed us his boobs. Now that’s what i call a news flash.
What’s a precursor? Somebody who says darn.
People who use the phrase “words cannot express how happy/sad/excited/sorry I am” should not be allowed to talk. What a slap in the face to words. Words can express whatever you want them to. Sure you may have to put some thought into it, but that’s why words were invented. So you could form thoughts and share them with others. See now wasn’t that better then saying “words cannot express how frustrated this makes me.”