I spent an hour and a half looking for my bowl of spaghetti before I realized it was in the microwave. An hour and a half.
I’d like to lay down some ground rules. Be on the ground not in the sky.
I saw a show on TV Guide called “classic tennis.” I turned it on and saw a guy hit a tennis ball with a racket over a net, “classic tennis.”
If these walls could ‘bock bock bock,’ then chickens would be able to have conversations with them. Now if only these chickens could talk.
My friend said she was going out to a sit down place, as if that meant it was fancy. But you can still sit down at McDonalds. And I don’t think I’ve ever been to a restaurant that didn’t have chairs.
Robot answering machine: “I’m unable to get to the phone right now, please leave a message after the beep boop beep beep boop beep boop.
I wish foods didn’t have nutrition facts, I think nutrition fables would be cool. How about a fairy tale about 22 grams of sodium that goes on an adventure with 34% of your daily value of carbohydrates and everyone gets fat and dies eventually.
We have a lost and found in my apartment. It’s mostly just cat poops and sand.
I’m naming my new perfume Cat Hair.