Life is about teamwork. And motivation. And knowing when it’s okay to hug someone.
I put the fun in dysctional.
Sheep: Stop pushing me around.
Sheep: You herd me!
“Make it snappy” means hurry up. Seriously stop reading me your poem.
There’s an iPhone app called “Real Basketball.” The app better cost $17 and physically mail you a basketball.
I accidentally glued my hand to a stapler. Your move irony.
I hand pennies to homeless people and say, you have to spend this in one place.
The hardest part about being a republican mom is fighting the urge to name your baby Reagan.
I like to keep my leg perfectly still when sitting at a table, so people think its part of the table and rub their feet up against my leg.
Here’s my impression of the most old timey vitamin: “Vitamin see.”