There should be a wine called The Hulk. Tagline, “It gets better with rage.”

I cried one time because my boyfriend didn’t slow the car down so I could wave at the mailman.

Hey Skittles commercials, your candy is already delicious, stop weirding people out. Show a bag of Skittles for 10 seconds and I’m hooked.

Replacing the word “recently” with “robot trampoline” makes most jokes a hundred times funnier, if not robotic.

Why do cable box remotes even HAVE volume buttons?

We have cartoons for adults. That’s how I know our generation is fucked.

There’s a song with the line: “Where have all the cowboys gone?” See nobody cares about the Indians.

I wish I was smart enough to use the word “fiscally” in a sentence correctly. I’m fiscally panda bear soup pigeon.

“Endangered is my middle name” -the rainforest.

Writing a coming of age story about a fruit fly. Just finished writing my coming of age story about a fruit fly.

I hope when people see my headshot 30 years from now they say: “Oh my God, Andy had hair?”

The number of characters in outdoorsy TV dramas that have a secret skill of tracking is mind boggling.

Jan 31, 2013 | Posted by in Blog | 0 comments

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