ME: Hello Barack Obama.
BARACK: Please, call me The Almighty Jesus Princess. That’s what my secret service friends call me.
ME: Sweet. How did you get that nickname?
BARACK: It wasn’t given to me, I made it up when I was high.
ME: It’s exquisite, and it suits you quite well. And I’m not just saying that because you could have the Secret Service pull up my google search history and display it in times square.
BARACK: Haha yes, they have done that. They did that to Mitt Romney once. I cant’t believe he didn’t know what cantaloupe was. And he misspelled “huge clock” over 15 times.
ME: Are you afraid of Romney?
BARACK: Are you afraid of your grandma?
ME: Yes, but she hits me with belts.
BARACK: Well Romney is like a grandma without arms then. She can try to put a belt in her mouth to whip America with, but she’ll end up looking like a beached walrus with a shaking syndrome.
ME: You should use that imagery in a TV ad.
BARACK: I’m sure we will.
ME: What are some upcoming campaign ads going to reveal about Romney?
BARACK: Mitt Romney owns slaves. He’s a fan of Osama Bin Laden on Facebook. And he has private twitter lists called “Mexican Baby Mama’s” and “People I’ve given herpes.”
ME: I look forward to those ads. What’s your favorite healthcare bill, that you can think of?
BARACK: Huh? I’m sorry what? I was tweeting.
ME: Oh it’s not important. What did you just tweet?
BARACK: I told Michelle I thought she was wearing a dumb hat this morning.
ME: Does your wife usually wear dumb hats?
BARACK: Oh no, I was talking to Michelle Bachmann! And yes, Bachmann wears a dumb hat everyday. It’s called her face.
ME: Before I go, and just because my editor insisted, are you excited about the Supreme Court’s ruling on ObamaCare today?
BARACK: Yes and no. It’s definitely a step in the right direction, but the real goal has always been healthcare for cats, and dental for the British.
ME: You have a fine understanding of healthcare. Thank you for your time today Almighty Jesus Princess. I’ll be sure to tag you on twitter when I post the interview!