This is my impression of someone mad at a kayak. “KAYAK!!!!!”
My favorite goat movie is probably The Next Karate Kid.
Potatoes must suck at their jobs. Because they always get sacked.
My mom told me I should have been a telemarketer. I guess I missed my calling.
I created a fan page called “Being Indecisive,” just so I could like it, then unlike it again.
Did people carry flashlights around with them before cell phones? I swear I have no idea how I could have managed.
I use those little sword toothpicks to knight my green olives before I eat them.
Legos are like puzzles for dumb people.
When people say something is in “God’s hands,” I want to tell them that God’s hands are actually a motorcycle and a dolphin.
I love multitasking at the gym. I write thank you cards on my stationary bike.