I’ve been locked out of my apartment more times than the ice cream truck has driven by. Actually, it’s exactly the same amount of times.
If you’re ever having a bad day, just imagine an asian person trying to say squirrel.
Life flashed before my eyes, and I got to see life’s boobs.
My Last words: “If I could do it all over again, I think I’d ribbon dance more.”
I can’t believe lions still have the outdated monarchy system and have a lion king. When are they gonna get their shit together and elect a lion president.
Golf balls don’t grow on tees.
How many people are going to need to take photocopies of their butts before we can officially call it the butt copier.
My dog asked me where the squirrels were, and I said, “You’re barking up the wrong tree.”