It’s so awkward when you say goodbye to someone, then you see them again a minute later. Especially since I end all my conversations with “I hope I never see you again!”
Why isn’t surprise on the periodic table? I thought there was always an element of surprise.
An officer asked me for the title to my car and I told him that “Mr. Streetcar” would suffice, but he could also call him Desire.
If you lose your marbles you’re crazy. If you keep finding marbles though, you need to get back in the time machine and return to the 21st century.
If hipsters rode horses they’d insist it get fixed before riding it.
If I was the captain of science, squirrelium and unicornium would be on the periodic table. And it would be called the magical table of Jesus pieces.
Coldplay sounds like a bunch of snowmen tickling each other. The word, and their music.
Pickup Line: You’re hotter than a plate that a waitress warns you about.
Fat Albert Einstein. That is all.