The guy who wrote the song about rowing your boat either had a stutter… or was a musical genius.
I gazed into my mirror wondering what was inside my head. Curious, I opened the cabinet. “Oh yeah, prescription drugs and toothpaste.”
The first time I used a microphone I was all, “This isn’t a really tiny phone.”
Every day is laundry day for old people because they’re always wearing granny panties.
The difference between getting rested and getting arrested, is that I took a nap on a cop car.
The only people looking for Big Foot are Star Wars fans because they think it might be Chewbacca.
What’s it called when you administer a vaccine? Well whatever it is, I’m gonna give it a shot.
That’s either a dollar sign, or there are no snakes allowed.
If I lived in a trailer home I’d buy like 30 copies of the movie Twister and have them on display.
My friend told me I might be an alcoholic. I said one beer a day is good for you. And I just have a lot of catching up to do.