I’m the pirate who gets made fun of because i don’t have an iPatch 3.
“Shut up science.” – Religion
My pomegranate juice says it’s rich in antioxidants. And I’m all, “Thanks for reminding me I’m poor. I don’t even have one antioxidant.”
I usually stand when I pee… my pants.
“It’s 4:02! Time to smoke some weed!” -Dyslexic Pothead
I bet Jesus was frustrated because he wanted to be a real comedian, and not just a magician.