Spent my entire day high fiving a centipede.

I’m the pirate who gets made fun of because i don’t have an iPatch 3.

“Shut up science.” – Religion

My pomegranate juice says it’s rich in antioxidants. And I’m all, “Thanks for reminding me I’m poor. I don’t even have one antioxidant.”

I usually stand when I pee… my pants.

“It’s 4:02! Time to smoke some weed!” -Dyslexic Pothead

I bet Jesus was frustrated because he wanted to be a real comedian, and not just a magician.

Apr 5, 2012 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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