You are what you eat. And I eat clones of myself.
I was talking to my friend about Puff the Dragon, and he was like, “Don’t you mean Puff the MAGIC Dragon?” and i was like “All dragons are magical!”
Weird to think that Santa’s workshop now-a-days is probably just a bunch of tech nerds. Pretty sure elves can’t make iPods and Xboxes.
I had my friend fill out an application for me at Subway, and i realized my mom was right. I never apply myself.
If I was a supervisor i would wear a visor that had the word “super” on it, so people who like word puzzles would know who I am.
When life gives you lemons make lemonade. When a homeless guy gives you lemonade, it’s pee.
I think scientists need to focus more energy on teaching worms how to talk, so they can finally tell us how to make a worm hole.