5 quick quips! Read them to your boss and get a promotion!

I saw a homeless guy dressed as a pirate and I was like “Pffffft. You don’t know where the treasure is.”

My voicemail used to include instructions on how to take care of a baby dinosaur, and my grandma would leave the most confused messages.

When two potheads breakup, all they want is joint custody.

I found this in one of my old notebooks, God i’m clever: “Spread the word. Wooooooooord.”

Before I eat them, I tell my oranges they look blue. That’s very complimentary.

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Mar 20, 2012 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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