I’m not looking forward to Spring cleaning. I never should have brought my slinkys mud wrestling.
I checked into a nearby rehab center. On foursquare. I don’t have a problem, I just want to be the drunkest coolest mayor.
Watching Downton Abbey makes me realize I don’t brush my shoulders enough.
I wish after all of my jokes somebody would just say “I see what you did there.”
One time I snoozed and I won.
When I’m cold I drink brandy, and I say brrrr andy.