My dog sucks at yoga. Downward facing loser.
I keep getting Euros confused with Oreos. I used to think, “No wonder Europe’s economy is so messed up. People be eating their money.”
I love waking up to find that the last text message I sent was: Dinosaurs are so cool.
“Nay bores!” That’s what I say to the boring people who live next door, when they ask me to hang out.
What’s better for you, diet coke, or regular cocaine?
A fish stick in a bowl of water is the saddest pet store. It’s also a weird lunch.
You can’t make a living, being a zombie.
I manage an Applebees. Professionally.
I wonder if clouds ever look down at earth and say, “Hey that bunny looks like a cloud.”
If zombies liked candy instead of brains, they’d have so much fun at a parade. Sigh… Maybe in another life.