I got lost at the grocery store all the time as kid. It’s like a maze for dumb children. There are no dead ends, but everyone looks like your mom.
I always give homeless people money when they ask. I feel I owe them royalties for how much material they’ve given me.
I went to a gas station because i was on E. Oh, and i don’t have a car.
I wrote a joke about time travel next week.
In workout class today I yelled out, “I’m hungry!” and everybody laughed. And by everybody, I mean just me.
My boss told me that I needed to “Take it to the next level.” I remembered what I learned from video games, and I killed the boss.
Have you ever been broken up to over a message in a bottle? It’s awkward. It takes forever to pry the paper out of the bottle, and when you finally get it out, it’s written in pirate hand writing, and it says “You ARRRRRRn’t my girlfriend. Anymore.”
A granola bar is where vegans go to get drunk.
Maybe my dolphin is real, and I’M the imaginary friend. Did you ever think of that? Huh Dr Gumball Machine?
I printed my report out on sandpaper. I thought it was supposed to be a rough draft