I told my little cousin about Pinky and the Brain, and she thought it was a zombie show. Looking back, maybe it was.
A penny saved is a penny earned. A oney saved is a oney… Hey, where did this oney come from? Who’s is this?
My to do list for today: 1.) Pretend I’m a motorcycle 2.) Learn how to play the kazoo 3.) Candy.
It must suck to give high fives in outer space, because they always end up in your face.
Being in roller derby supposedly means you’re tough, but “Roller Girl” just sounds like the name of a super hero in a wheelchair.
Whenever I’m telling someone a dream I had, I always feel obligated to say that they were in the dream too. I think I do it just to keep them interested. I think they appreciate knowing that they were riding with me in the magic squirrel car, headed to panda canyon. When really it was just me and a Tom Hanks impersonator.
I wish they made toilet bowl cleaner in the color yellow. Not so I could pretend to pee standing up and have it feel real… But some other reason that makes sense. Or whatever…
I put sunscreen on my waffles and they still got burnt.
Maybe kids would eat their crust, if it wasn’t called crust. It’s like the word crap and rust got combined and tried to get as far away from joy as possible.
Why does the doctor leave the room when you undress? And by doctor I mean the TV repair guy.