Comedy is like music. Except there’s less dancing.

There’s a step ladder in my kitchen, and sometimes when I need to vent I like to yell, “You’re not my real ladder!”

A homeless guy on the side of the street asked me what my sign was. I said i already knew we weren’t going to be compatible because his sign was cardboard.

Hey Lysol Disinfectant spray, I’m worried about that .1 percent of germs… How come they get special treatment!? Occupy Kitchen Counter.

Don’t tell secrets near a grape vine.

I like to shoot water fountains with a Super Soaker because I’m an adult and you can’t tell me what to do.

Every full moon I change my facebook picture to a werewolf. Every other day it’s a confused girl with a secret.

Safety first! Then what? Then the blender game!

Nov 12, 2011 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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