When I look at muffins I want to scream: “Why aren’t you a cupcake!? I’ll never love you! You’ll never be allowed to vote!”
When women wanted the right to vote did people exclaim “What next? Are we going to let dogs vote?”
If you run out of fish food you can’t use frosted flakes instead. Even if it’s a tiger fish.
I like to use handicapped bathrooms, just so I can yell help and see what happens. If anyone asks if I’m okay, I say this was only a test. And you passed! You’re not going to hell!
Everybody knows how to play the guitar these days, so whenever anybody brags that they can play the guitar, I say “oh, do you know the chords B F D? Because then you could play the song, Big Fucking Deal.”
I think my pet oyster might be racist. He’s always going to clam meetings.