I dare you to bring a crazy straw with you to church on Sunday and use it during communion.
Whenever i see an apple that fell from a tree, I throw it as far as i can! So the apple will think it’s adopted.
Midgets can’t wear Tennis Shoes. They have to wear Ping Pong Shoes.
Santa. I don’t need 8 reindeer to fly. Just one liquored up pony.
Do you ever get done eating a bag of chips, and realize that it would have tasted better if you’d eaten the chips instead of the bag?
If homeless people had lemonade stands… It’s probably not really lemonade.
Pens only like to hang out with other pens. They’re very clicky.
I ran over a kid with my car. That’s one of my child hood memories.