My Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris can ford any river in Oregon Trail. And no one ever gets diphtheria or cholera.

Chuck Norris can kill Bowser with only two hits.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to steal candy from babies; they gladly give it to him.

Chuck Norris is so hot he caused global warming, and so cool, Al Gore isn’t even mad about it.

When Chuck Norris gets angry he just hugs it out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t use an escalator. The floors just come to him.

In the game show Deal or No Deal, the Banker calls Chuck Norris before making any offers.

Chuck Norris knows what day is opposite day.

Chuck Norris saved 16% on his car insurance, and didn’t even have to switch to Geico.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need 8 reindeer to fly, just one liquored up pony.

Chuck Norris is so pretty. That’s it. That’s how pretty he is. He’s so pretty he doesn’t need a punch line to prove it.

Chuck Norris can rhyme any word with orange. 


If you would like to dispute one or any of these facts, you must first befriend a three legged unicorn. Because unless you do that, i can’t take you seriously. 

You are not allowed to remove any unicorn limbs. That would be cheating. I don’t think a unicorn would be your friend anyway if you took one of their legs. It’s a catch 22. Only Chuck Norris could convince a unicorn to give him it’s leg, and still maintain a healthy relationship with it. Obviously.

These facts have been proven by science and also history and math. And yes, even Spanish has proven a few of these. 

Jul 7, 2011 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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