grandpa hipsters wear gargoyle socks.
if i ever get a cat, i’m going to name it “My 12 Cats” so people will think i’m a crazy cat lady.
i don’t like when people say “buckle up” when nobodies even in a car… i guess it’s supposed to mean “get ready, this is going to be intense. and you might die.” but most of the time when you buckle up, nothing happens. you just drive. and all of a sudden you’re at the popcorn store. So i just think they need to extrapolate. instead they should say “buckle up everybody. Because i’m wasted and i don’t have any arms and i’m going to drive this car to the popcorn store. and we might not make it to the popcorn store and could somebody buckle me in too, because i don’t have any arms.” if i heard that, i’d be like shit. maybe i’ll take the bus, where it’s so safe you don’t even need to buckle.
what’s the difference between a guess and an educated guess? aren’t all guesses educated? “Hey is it going to be cold outside tomorrow mister weather man?” Well based on my education i’d have to say yes, and there will be some clouds i bet. if i were to make a guess, where i assume nothing, then i’d have to say that tomorrow it’s going to gravy cankle soup.
nobody uses duct tape on ducts. I don’t even know what a duct is. can’t we just change it to duck tape? my ducks are so loud. if only there was a way to fasten there faces shut…
i got to class this morning and my teacher says to me “hey andy, you made it.” and i was like “i was just in the right place, at the right time Brad, no need to thank me.” and then my teacher was like “class started 15 minutes ago…” and i was like, “i guess i was just in the right place at the wrong time. And, 15 minutes ago, i was at the wrong place, at the right time. so… booyah.”
nobody collects dust. but everything collects dust.