Something a hipster would say: I love band aids. I knew about them before anyone knew what they were. They are my favorite band.
Smokey the bear is actually a huge pothead. Those commercials are just part of his community service.
“make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” No thanks, girl scouts. if i had gold friends i’d sell them to the gold kit commercial.
Fake mustaches are like fake boobs. You’re supposed to put them on your face.
I’m pretty sure all dogs are on E. How else do you explain how excited they are about everything? And they love getting pet, and they frikken drink so much water.
When teenage pirates get a job at the mall, they work at The Swashbuckle.
A chainsaw is only as strong as… The power setting you have it on.