when life gives you life… just eat the damn cereal and pray nobody finds the body.
I’m jealous of Asian tweeters. With 140 characters I bet they could write a whole Frikken novel!
Big beards are like upside-down dollops of ice cream on the face-cone of life.
i like to sneak into zoos and install basketball hoops in the giraffe area.
if you leave your zebra alone for too long it will turn into a cake. zebra cake. deserted zebra.
Whenever i think of a “bundle of joy,” my mind doesn’t go to babies… i think of a quadriplegic ninja in a blanket. Or a bag of soup.
Dinosaurs are prehistoric. not pre-“history” you religious nut balls.
whenever i’m in a plane i like to look down at the earth and say “man, ants look like really small ants, from way up here.”