I put garbage in grocery bags. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

“There’s no I in cheese. But there is cheese in my eye.” that’s what I always proclaim when I have cheese in my eye.

I had a dream that was exactly like the movie free willy. EXACTLY. Except Willy was a hamster. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE WAS THE SAME. Even the baseball through the window.

God made sky roofs in cars so people could ask questions while driving.

I wish my last name was consensus, so I could join the army and become a general. Then people would call me general consensus. And I would holler at my soldiers “drop and give me 50! … If we all agree that fifty is the best amount. Raise your hand if fifty sounds good. Okay good, that’s most of you. Okay please proceed. thank you.”

Whenever I’m supposed to do a 7 minute set I’m like oh sweet, by the time I get off stage the noodles will be done. 8 minutes for al dente.

Dangit. 4:21. I missed it again. Just like a true pot head.

Knowing pot heads, I’m pretty sure it was supposed to start at 4:00.

i accidentally used glue instead of deodorant. i’m not mocking penguins i swear.

May 8, 2011 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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