Its weird that we use a can opener when we can’t opener.

March of the Penguins was good, but i preferred the prequel, February of the Penguins.

You ever go into someone’s house for the first time and think, “i bet their milk is expired.”

Before I toast a piece of bread I raise my glass of wine in the air and get everyone’s attention. “hey everybody, thank you all for coming. Bread is my friend. Now let’s dance bread.”

Boggle was invented so people wouldn’t have to play scrabble. Triple word bore.

if nature calls, take a message. If nature texts, reply lol and pee on your cell phone.

i like making friends with homeless people. Because you can ask them to hangout, and they’re probably not doing anything.

Pretty sure my roller derby name would be Hermione Danger.

Hugs before drugs. Unless you’re on E. Then it’s drugs, hugs hugs hugs!

Apr 11, 2011 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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