When I get rich, I’m going to buy a bunch of rags, so people will be able to say that I went from rags to a lot of rags.
I thought getting hammered was when you eat a really big ham sandwich and then talk about how much you love feelings.
I feel bad for shovelers, because even if they don’t love dirt, they dig it.
Have you ever had a conversation with two bunnies? it’s hard to tell if they’re being sarcastic. Yeah we “love carrots.”
My friend was telling me that all weather men actually want to be news anchors. But to me that sounds terrible. If weather men were in charge of the news it would just be a lot of “There might have been a murder last night, but there’s a thirty percent chance it was just scary rain.”
Here’s an easy way to sound cool. Just don’t use the word of! “hey man, leave squirrels out this.” “did you hear the state the union address? Course man, course!”