Jesus was seated at the RIGHT HAND of the father. See, left handed people go to hell.
I’m in a kiss cover band, called hug.
Here are the lyrics to my new song. “Germany peed on my big hat, and France ate my Mexican, then something about how Italy is shaped like a cowboy boot.” it’s a country song.
The real olive garden. When you’re here, you’re an olive gardener.
The other day my friend was like “the pilot light is out.” and I was like “omg! Then who’s driving this kitchen!?”
If evolution doesn’t exist, then explain how charmander becomes a charizard. You Jesus Christ super tard. Amen.
It’s hard to talk to a robot in a really big rowboat without sounding condescending. “HEY, ROW BOT! ROW BOT!” and the robots like “I am rowing!”
How come we have Jean jackets but not jacket jeans?
I was at a casino a couple days ago, and there sure are a lot of weird people there. A guy with one arm was complaining about all the harmful effects of smoking. And I was just like “Dude, you have one arm. You can’t get affected by second hand without a second hand. New rule.”
I have a list of friends on twitter called “people who might have herpes” which is cool because it shows up on peoples pages.
But seriously you guys, I don’t do drugs. Drugs are illegal. But so are mexicans…