Its colder than a college dropout outside: frikken zero degrees.
I like to think that our sun is a giant asterisk, and earth is just one of god’s big typos
Do you think that if peas were people they would smoke pod?
In history class after the teacher passes out the syllabus I like to raise my hand and ask, “When are we gonna learn about Rudolph the red nose reindeer?” and my teachers like, “not till after George Washington, I like to bundle them together, many similarities ya know.”
Why aren’t ugly sweat pants a holiday tradition? Because then we’d have to include the homeless.
Anytime one of my religious friends mentions god, I like to add zilla after it. Together I think we could scare a few Asians, and isn’t that what religion is all about?