in high school i was taking a test on the cold war. and anytime i was supposed to write the word cuba, i wrote cuba gooding junior. and the weird thing is, my teacher didn’t take any points off. So either my teacher has a great sense of humor or JFK really did have a huge boner for Jerry Maguire.
i hate when bullies steal my lunch monkey.
I’m so bad at leaping, I destroyed like 3 frogs last time I played leap frog.
tape pictures of pizza and cupcakes to the inside of your shirt so your tummy has something to look at. now that’s a good weight loss tip.
Words of inspiration for Unicorns: “the early unicorn gets the unicorn food.”
I talked to a stripper today about her stripper name and I was like cool, your first pet was named Chandelier, and you grew up on Big Tits street?
i don’t like hunting, but i will go good will hunting. that’s when i attack people at thrift stores. i wear a used couch for camouflage, and i use hobo urine to attract people.
i got a robot bite today. kinda like a snake bite, but they’re little bits and bites that send signals to your head that say “ouch!”
i got a new fan for my room. it has 3 quiet settings. 1.vrooooom!!! 2. RRAAAAORAAHH!! 3. GODDAMMIT_ROAR_WHAT?!?-AIR_IS_FUCKIN_ANGRY!!!@#$!