please leave a beep after the message.

I like to face two vending machines together. And I play vending machine battleship. D5! You sunk my twizzlers nibs! E7! You sunk my animal crackers!

Danke roo. That’s how you say thank you to an australian covered in frosting.

I think pirates are just bad at giving speeches. That’s why they say rummm and errrrr, a lot.

If life gives you aids, make an aids baby.

I fold all my money into origami cranes. Then i spend them at fast food places and say “Maybe one day you’ll have enough birds to fly away.”

i’m so poor, that i can’t even say dollar bill. my money’s like please, call me Dollar Williams. only my friends call me bill.

The rule of threesomes: you need two kinda normal people, then one unexpected person to make it really funny.

My room’s not messy, I just have a lot of conversation pieces. Like my dirty pants. They remind me of the time I somehow spilled pee on the inside of my jeans.

I figured it out. We’re all just god’s sheep. He counts us when he’s trying to fall asleep. 

tuna: chicken of the c word.

Aug 19, 2010 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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