I don’t like when people call the turn signal on a car a blinker. It’s most definitely a winker
I like bologna, I think it’s a totally legitimate meat. But I know a lot of people who think it’s fake. So I just yell “it’s not bologna! You guys, it’s real. Balogna is not balogna!”
Ebony is wood, and ivory is teeth. So whenever I think of ebony and ivory living together in perfect harmony, I picture a giant tree with lots of teeth. And all I know is that if trees had teeth, we’d be in big trouble.
I was so uncoordinated as a kid, that my mom had to put training wheels on my tricycle.
If potatoes were in charge of writing history they would have a completely different outlook on the potato famine. They would say, “We sure beat those dang irish in the Great war of 1945.”
I got a paper cut recently, and I started to bleed, and I was like, damnit paper, are you trying to tell me that I spelt a bunch of words wrong?
Bandana’s are stupid. I think god was trying to make another banana and the devil snuck a d in their, and now hipsters put them on their faces.