At a bus stop a man asked “did you know jesus died for our sins?” And I’m like “well thanks a lot hobo, you ruined the end of the book”
My bike is on a low curb diet.
The first time a waiter asked me how I wanted my steak, I thought he asked how I wanted my trading cards. So I was like rare to medium rare.
Replacing letters in a swear word with stars, is only going to confuse kids. They’re going to look up at the night sky and think god is cursing.
When fishing it’s hard to tell which fish you catch are good or not. But if a fish can play goalie in a soccer game, then you know he’s a good fish. You can be like, yep, he’s a keeper.
I brought my game shark to a test once, and even though I cheated, I still got a bad grade. And my teacher’s like, this isn’t a game, this is law school. And I’m like, you mean “blah” school.
Don’t ever square off with a rhombus.
Punching a Spanish person is easy unless they’re a vosotro, then I don’t know what tense to use.
I’m pretty sure batman is a vampire, and this whole superhero thing is just a cover up.
My grandpa can’t drive, but he does drive a hard bargain.
I don’t like wrestling but I still think it would be cool if the Undertaker had a fight with the Overgiver.
I think Jesus was just god’s stunt double.