if i don’t step on this pigeon somebody else will

I grew up with a family of hunters, so when my friend showed me his bowling trophy once, I was like “omg, you shoot little bowling people?”

I bet animals don’t like trophy’s, because their heads are trophy’s.

Puff the magic dragon is redundant. Quite frankly, it sounds like something a pothead would make up. All dragons are magic. It should just be puff the dragon. It’s not like anybody’s gonna get him confused with puff the actual dragon.

I bet octopuses are pissed off because ink-jet printers stole their idea.

Should I feel bad that I always use the handicapped stall? To punch wheelchairs in?

I grew up in a kind of shitty neighborhood. The playground for us, was just a patch of ground that we were allowed to “play” on. “kids, go stand on the “play ground.” Swinging was when we took turns hitting each other with a bat, and our teeter-totter was when we ate tator tots, and pretended we were drunk like mommy.

When poor college students pray to the god of salty noodles, they say “ramen”

I don’t like to say good night, because I feel like I’m being patronizing to a medieval warrior. Good knight. You’re such a good knight. And I just don’t want the queen to chop my head off.

Jul 5, 2010 | Posted by in Posts | 0 comments

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